Airbnb listing evaluation against false representation and filthiness before checkin hero image

TRUST IS A LIE. VERIFICATION IS KING.

Pre-emptive Vacation Disappointment Mitigation Services

We send highly trained, paranoid agents to your short-term rental 48 hours before check-in to verify that the 'Charming Studio' isn't a damp closet with a leaky air mattress. Stop relying on photos taken in 2008 by a wide-angle lens.

Stop the Filth Now

Why FILTHSCAN?

Because reality rarely matches the 4.9-star average achieved through tactical friend reviews.

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Hyper-Specific Grime Analysis

Our patented 'Dust Chronology' service dates the oldest visible dirt particle in the unit, giving you historical context on the host's cleaning regimen (or lack thereof).

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Architectural Deception Audits

We measure the ceiling height and cross-reference the wide-angle lens distortion to determine the true volume of the room. Know exactly how claustrophobic you're about to be.

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The 'Shame' Scale Rating

We assign a quantifiable Shame Score (SS) based on the proximity of the toilet to the kitchen sink and the structural integrity of the complimentary bar soap.

Our Satisfied (and Prepared) Clients

Voices from those who chose foresight over foul surprise.

"I booked a 'rustic cabin.' FILTHSCAN confirmed it was a disused tool shed actively hosting a raccoon convention. Saved me three days of rabies anxiety and a ruined anniversary."

Ron S. Parks Department, Indiana

"The listing promised a 'hot tub.' The report indicated 'a lukewarm bucket of stagnant rainwater.' My temporal calibration specialist was deeply impressed by the accuracy of the disappointment forecasting."

Dr. E. Brown Time Traveler, 1985/2015/TBD

"I needed silence for my next great literary endeavor. FILTHSCAN reported the neighbor was a performance artist specializing in avant-garde tuba solos at 3 AM. I immediately rebooked to a soundproof bunker. Highly tactical."

J. D. Salinger's Ghost Writer Hermitage, NH (Location undisclosed)

Investment in Reality

Choose your level of pre-check-in emotional stability.

Free Tier

Basic Self-Doubt

$0/Per Listing
  • ✅ Automated Photo Resolution Check
  • ✅ Distance Measurement to 'Nearby Beach' (in actual miles)
  • ✅ Host Review Sentiment Score (AI Generated Hysteria Check)
  • ❌ Onsite Mold Spore Count
  • ❌ Confirmation of Hot Water Pressure
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⭐ BEST VALUE: THE REALITY CHECK

Pro Verification

Maximum Mitigation

$149/Per Listing
  • ✅ Everything in Free Tier
  • ✅ Dedicated Agent Filth Crawl
  • ✅ Thermal Imaging for Missing Walls/Poor Insulation
  • ✅ The Shame Scale Rating (SS)
  • ✅ Detailed Pest/Insect Observation Report (with genus classification)
Book Pro Analysis

Enterprise

Total Environmental Control

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  • ✅ All Pro Features
  • ✅ Negotiation with Host (Post-Discovery Phase)
  • ✅ Emergency Alternative Housing Procurement
  • ✅ Certified Legal Compliance Checklist
  • ✅ DNA Analysis of Visible Hair Samples
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Frequently Asked Questions (F.A.Q.)

Straight answers to uncomfortable realities.

Q: What if your agent finds something truly horrifying?
A: Our agents are trained in immediate psychological dissociation. They will document the horror meticulously, upload the evidence, and then seek therapy. You receive the report before the dissociation occurs.
Q: Can you verify if the 'fully stocked kitchen' actually includes a functioning can opener?
A: Yes. We use the rigorous ISO 9001:2015 Can Opening Standard. If the can opener fails to perform its duty on three separate types of canned goods, the kitchen is rated 'Unstocked for Human Use.'
Q: I saw a review mentioning 'charming rustic charm.' How do you translate that?
A: We interpret 'Charming rustic charm' as a 95% likelihood of exposed wiring, non-functioning blinds, and the pervasive odor of mothballs and despair.
Q: Your service seems deeply pessimistic. Are you trying to ruin my vacation?
A: We are eliminating variables. True joy is found in unexpected positive outcomes, not in unmet, commercially inflated expectations. We provide the baseline reality; any subsequent positive experience is a bonus.

The Data Doesn't Lie (But the Hosts Do)

Evidence compiled from 30,000 global disappointment cycles.

93%
Discrepancy Rate Between Listing Photo and Reality
4.7
Average Star Rating Achieved By Emotional Blackmail
14
Average Number of Unidentified Biological Stains Found Per Unit
8
Minutes Spent Cleaning by Host Between Guests (Global Mean)

— Source: FilthScan Internal Integrity Audit Q4 2023. (Pending Peer Review and Host Litigation.)

Secure Your Sanity

Submit your listing details for an immediate psychological risk assessment.